Mommy Mode out weighs Wifey Mode
February 21, 2018
What happens when mommy-ing
outweighs the wifey-ing. Yes, I made those terms up but they seem to be so
accurate in my daily life. I have been a mom for 3 years and a wife for 3
years. I literally had a baby every year we have been married. Sheesh! Right,
tell me about it. The kids have over powered every aspect of our mom and dad
time. And I am definitely too tired to wake up at 2 am just to cuddle. So, what
needs to happen? Of course my marriage is as important as being a mom. But why
does it get the short end of the stick. Yes, we want well mannered, even
tempered kids but does that cost having a boring grown up life. Do I sacrifice
going out as much, sacrifice time with friends and family? Do I resort only to
social media for exciting news? HELL NO! Can I not have it all. Is it not possible
to be the best wife as well as being the best mom?
Children need
parents that are well balanced. If one aspect of your life is off, then that
will affect every aspect of your life. Your partner feels it, your kids
feel it, life just seems to flow in the same routine. But, don’t let it! Don’t settle
for the monotony of being “adults” being “parents”.
When I realized my husband and I
were becoming the boring parents. I came up with a plan of action. A plan that
re-routed our path and maybe it will help anyone else that may be in a rut
like I was.
- · You have to learn to date again! Send each other sweet text messages throughout the day. I know when my husband and I were only dating, he went out of his way to get and keep my attention. Made up silly excuses to come over. Planned cute little dates in the middle of the day! Bring that back. Introduce yourselves again. Learn new things about each other. Squeeze in a quick lunch date while the kids are still in school. Plan a sweet dinner after the kids have gone to bed. The thought is the most important thing.
- · Get some parent friends. Together and separately. These types of friends know your struggles. They have to plan things out like you. Friends that you can have “play dates” with. Kids are able to play in a safe controlled environment and parents can let loose for a while. Also, a set of mommy and daddy friends you can have separately which will allow you two to learn to miss each other’s company.
- · Plan a weekend getaway once a month or every other month. Something small! It can be somewhere close or maybe even book a hotel for the weekend. Send the kids to their grandparents and the two of you enjoy escaping the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Just get out of the house. I promise it will make a world of difference.
- · Avoid the small stuff. Most times in a hectic household with kids running around and screaming, a hectic workplace, tempers can flare and patience may be non-existent. Don’t sweat the way your husbands tone may have been when he answered a question, the kids wasting dry cereal on the floor, clothes that aren’t folded. Guess what? It’s OK. Most times when we are already annoyed we make up tiny situations that aren’t even situations, that feed into our mood. Don’t let it! Giving a bad mood fuel never ends with a meaningful outcome. It does no justice. Breathe, and just say, “I got this”.
- · Make time to talk! Use the extra time in the morning before the kids wake and discuss the plans for the day. Have coffee together. Express any feelings that you may have. Never keep things bottled up.
- ·
Small gestures fuel intimacy. Sweet
kisses on the forehead. An impromptu back or foot rub. Play in each other’s
hair. Find ways to bring back those butterflies you once had. Don’t let the
kids take away all those small gestures. The small things always lead up to “BIG”
things. Wink wink!!! Keep it Spicy. Surprise him or her with a cute nighty and initiate
midnight snuggles. That is never a disappointment. Most importantly when having
kids, continue to be the wife you vowed to be, continue to be the husband that
you vowed to be. Don’t let the things that brought you together fade and cause
a drift in the relationship.
These are things
that I did that made and are making a big difference in my household. There is
nothing like that giddy feeling you have when your partner walks into the room
or when you see their name calling your phone. It’s like being in high school
again! I know we all would love to experience those feelings. Parenting and marriage
should be fun. It should be exciting and adventurous. It should not feel like
you are being held back from anything. It should motivate you to do more not
only for yourself but for your littles. Children that are well round. That
experience different things and cultures. They deserve you at your best with a healthy relationship. One that can sustain them (kids). Every day
will be different. Every day will be a journey. Every day will be a test. Don’t
let kids over power the bond that it took to create them! Now go kiss your
partner and tell them how much you love them!!
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